Meet Paul Fletcher

Twenty-three-year-old Paul Fletcher grew up in the Nazareth community in south Dublin. As part of a youth group during secondary school, he wanted to follow Jesus and live his life for the Lord but moving on to university made him question his faith. Paul shared his story with VOX editor Ruth Garvey-Williams.

(From the October - December 2020 issue of VOX)

What happened when you started university?

I went to DIT (now TU) to study social care and worked with Crosscare in Dublin city supporting the homeless. College promised new opportunities and new experiences. I was really excited about that and I was willing to put that above my faith. I started dating my girlfriend at that time and she was really respectful of where I was at and started asking a lot of questions. I realised I didn’t know my stuff. I knew when to stand up, kneel down and sit down and all the Christian buzz words but I didn’t know why did we these things. I began asking myself, “If I don’t know why I do this, does it even make sense?"

My relationship with my girlfriend started creating a huge tension. I was in love with her but I also love my parents. Whenever I went to see her, my mum would cry. If I spent too much time at home, my girlfriend would get upset. We kept dating for another eight months but eventually broke up. I blamed my faith and my parents’ faith for ruining something that I thought was so good. I was heart broken and started going out more and more and getting involved with casual relationships to try and numb how I felt. I followed the yellow brick road of satisfaction that the world promises.

How did you reconcile your questions with your Christian community?

I wasn’t ready to close the door on Christianity because of the experiences I had had through youth group growing up and the witness of people loving me. But I gradually started walking further away from it. All the while I kept going to University Christian Outreach (UCO) meetings. I was lying to all of my Christian friends. They didn’t know what was going on because I didn’t want their judgement and I didn’t want to change my lifestyle. Eventually I was lying so much that I started to lose who I was. I was chasing the next relationship, party or night out just to make me feel okay.

What happened when you graduated?

I had reached the point where I was thinking, “I’ve had enough. I don’t want to be a Christian any more.” That was when one of my Christian friends texted me and said, “We are doing a summer programme for two weeks - ten of us will live together, do service projects during the day and have teaching and worship in the evenings. Do you want to come?” Obviously I did not want to do it, but the morning he texted me I was so hung over that I had no recollection of replying to text. I said I would do it. I was so annoyed at myself. Lying was taking so much effort.

Tell us what happened next

A couple of days before we started I was thinking, “If I am going to stop being a Christian in two weeks, what is the point of me waiting? What am I still lying for?” I went into the house that night and went to the pub with one of the guys and told him everything. I laid all my crap on the table and I was expecting, “Oh my gosh, how could you do this?” - condemnation, fire and brimstone. I was pretty scared of that.

But that is not what he said. He heard everything that I said and he looked at me and said, “Paul, I can’t be the one to choose for you to be a Christian. It is your life and you need to be the one to decide. But what I can say is that all the guilt you have, all the ways you have been hurt and have hurt people, that can be washed away and forgotten tonight if you want to live your life for Jesus.”

“I was kind of at rock bottom. I was seeing things for what they were.”

That was the first time I was really able to hear that message in a long time. I was kind of at rock bottom. I was seeing things for what they were. My lifestyle wasn’t providing the fulfilment and satisfaction that it promised. It really hit home that I had hurt a lot of people and I had been hurt a lot of times. The possibility of having that washed away was massive.

What I had been doing was taking the cross, Jesus’ sacrifice and all the grace and beauty and smashing it into a book of rules. When you look at the rules and ignore the grace, beauty and sacrifice of what Jesus did for us, it becomes futile.

So what changed?

“Nobody is too far gone for the Gospel. People need to hear that.”

Over the next couple of mornings I prayed for the first time in a year. I decided to stop ignoring grace and salvation and to start accepting it. That process is still going on. From there I realised my life needed to look different and that was pretty scary. I was living at home with my parents and that was the place I had made all my mistakes in. I thought if the temptation comes to go out and get drunk I’m going to give in to it at some point. So I began to pray about moving away and that was when the idea of mission work began to come up. I started to hear a call from the Lord to use my story, the struggle and the pain, to bring people back to Him in the same way my friend had brought me back. Nobody is too far gone for the Gospel. People need to hear that.

Tell us about your work with UCO

That was when I began thinking of joining Christian organisation, University Christian Outreach, and going to work in the USA. I would have the opportunity to be around people who would support my faith. My parents were confused and excited for me. They had been praying for me for a long time. Eventually I decided to try and I went about fundraising. The Lord provided what I needed and even the visa arrived just five days before I flew out to Lancing, Michigan. I arrived with my suitcases, my story and a lot of passion to see people come to know Jesus. That is two years ago now.

What does your work involve?

We do Bible studies on campus and support students in living for Christ. We have men’s and women’s groups and talk about faith and life together. During lockdown everything shifted online and so I’m on Zoom for three or four hours each day. More recently I’ve decided to continue working for UCO in North America for the next three years. It is difficult not being able to visit home but I know that this is what the Lord has for me and I’m seeing Him at work every day.

As we are talking, there are demonstrations and riots going on in the US. What are your thoughts on that?

I did not grow up here so I have not been a witness to the systematic racism that people have experienced. I am also a white guy who speaks English. Recent events have opened my eyes to the systematic injustices that are undercurrents in society here. I’m trying to talk to some of our African American students to listen to their experiences and allow them to voice how they feel about all of this.

People have been struggling for so long. I would love to see this be the catalyst for change that is needed. In our ministry, we are trying to give voice to those who are not normally heard, to stand for equality and be advocates for those who are marginalised.

What does Jesus mean to you now?

He is my friend and healer. There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. That is what Jesus did for me. He is able to fix the self-inflicted wounds that I have and fill me with His grace. My journey took me into a lot of different situations. I think the Lord protected me because He has a purpose for me. Even when I was walking in the opposite direction, He was steadfast through it all.