Ending Violence Against Women

What will it take for the Church to take this issue seriously?

By VOX Editor Ruth Garvey-Williams

This afternoon I joined 70 people from my community at a vigil in memory of Ashling Murphy, the young woman murdered in Tullamore this week. I’m sick to the heart as I think of what this young woman suffered and the devastation of her family and friends.  

But as I pray for all those affected, I’m also crying out for the Church to move beyond being ‘shocked’ by these events.  We need to acknowledge the deep fault lines that exist in our society and in our churches, and to face up to what needs to change in order to address violence against women in Ireland and all over the world.

I don’t think anyone who knows me would describe me as militant or aggressive.  In person, I’m probably about as intimidating as a marshmallow.  I hate confrontation and so I have a tendency (marshmallow-like) to melt at the first sign of conflict. However, I discovered something of a backbone since we embarked on the 2018 VOX magazine research study Women and the Church and especially the findings on abuse and violence. 

I find myself compelled to speak up and speak out.  This subject is very close to my heart.  Along with countless other women, I am a survivor (#MeToo), although it took me many, many years to acknowledge that fact and even longer to find healing and restoration. My case was relatively minor compared to what others have suffered (albeit devastating to me) but, on my journey to healing I discovered something important. No incident of physical, sexual, emotion, psychological or spiritual abuse is insignificant to God.  He sees, He knows and He cares.  And, if we are followers of Jesus, we should feel the same way.

“It wasn’t me”

And yet in so many of the reactions and posts about this recent tragedy, there have been so many defensive posts by men pointing out that not all men are responsible for violence against women. Too often the focus of outrage has not been on the suffering of women but on hurt feelings of those who believe they are somehow being tarred with the same brush.

It is true that the majority of men are not violent towards women. Most men in my life are decent and kind, and I’m deeply privileged to have been married (for over 30 years) to a man who treats women with value and respect, and who is willing to speak out against sexism and the abuse of women.  

It is not all men but that fact does not (and should not) negate the real experiences of abuse and trauma women have suffered at the hands of men nor minimise the threat of violence that shapes our lives. 

It is not all men but it IS all women.  Every woman is affected by violence against women even if they have not personally suffered an attack.  

According to a 2014 EU survey at least 33% of European women over the age of 15 (one in three) have experienced physical or sexual violence since the age of 15.  The same survey found that more than half of women (55%) have experienced sexual harassment and 33% reported childhood experiences of physical or sexual violence at the hands of an adult.

Every woman knows what it means to think twice before walking or running alone after dark or going alone into certain areas.  Every woman knows how often we are told to adjust our behaviour to avoid being hurt.  And every woman has heard the victim blaming comments that point the finger at a woman’s choices, clothing or behaviour rather placing the responsibility with the perpetrator.

What will it take to create a truly safe society where women and girls are not subject to physical violence or sexual harassment and abuse? 

 And what will it take for the church to take this issue seriously?

A women’s issue?

Too often in churches, violence against women and girls is considered a “women’s issue.”  When I was invited to speak at a Gender Justice conference in Dublin run by one Irish denomination, the audience was 90% female (even though both men and women had been invited). Perhaps men felt this issue was unimportant or irrelevant?  Perhaps they felt that a conference about gender justice would end up bad-mouthing men?  Whatever their reasons, the men had voted with their feet. 

We know that violence against women can be ignored or minimised by society at large.  But my experience in more than 30 years of Christian ministry is that violence and injustice towards women is not a high priority for most churches either and, too often, the attitudes and beliefs about abuse within churches can perpetuate victim blaming and can contribute to the silencing of women’s stories.

Reading through the comment section on attitudes towards violence and abuse in the VOX research findings (Women and the Church 2018) an expert on sexual assault was concerned but unsurprised.

“The attitudes in this survey all state that rape is wrong and there is no excuse but this assertion is a caveat to preceding statements that offer mitigation through the perpetuation of victim blaming myths. Perpetrators adopt the same myths as post-hoc rationalisations for their violent behaviour. Myths are used to justify or minimise the severity of their actions, to deflect blame or feelings of guilt onto the victim. Having interviewed hundreds of sex offenders over 30 years of practice, I have heard many of the statements recorded in this survey being offered in mitigation by the rapists themselves.”

- Craig Barlow, MSc FPC (Criminologist and Consultant in Forensic Social Work).

Something is wrong when statements made by committed Christians and followers of Jesus in Ireland echo the statements used by convicted rapists to justify their actions. We need to uncover and challenge the victim blaming myths that are being perpetuated within our churches by a faulty understanding of why abuse takes place.  

 It may be a difficult conversation to have but can we identify and face up to the underlying attitudes and messages that contribute to a culture where violence against women is minimised or overlooked even within churches?  Sexist “jokes” that demean and objectify women are never just a bit of “fun” when these very same attitudes form the justification for rapists and abusers. 

In churches, there can be an additional sin narrative with a tendency to suggest that women have done something to “tempt” men into sinful behaviour.  This idea that women are to blame and that men “couldn’t help themselves” is devastating to victims of abuse and demeaning to decent men who do not abuse women.   

I’ll admit that after our research report was published, I had hoped we would see a significant and concerted response by churches in Ireland to address the challenges that women are facing both in society at large and within our churches.  I was wrong. 

But maybe, the national outrage and heartbreak over the death of Aisling Murphy provides us with (yet another) opportunity to act.  

 The Lord replies, “I have seen violence done to the helpless and I have heard the groans of the poor. Now I will rise up to rescue them, as they have longed for me to do.” Psalm 12:5